Being Edward Teach

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Watched ‘Crossbones’.
I found it intriguing, liked the dialogue and all the conspiracy involved.
Was not as bloody as expected.
Still unsure where they will go with it, though.
It is based on the fabrication that Blackbeard was not killed at the assumed age of between 35-40, but went on to live a further number of years.
The real Blackbeard, who in this series is now Whitebeard, did try to retire from piracy (it is said he intentionally ran his ship, the Queen Anne’s Revenge, aground) and was granted a pardon, but eventually returned to piracy.
There is much history, and association with other pirates, that can offer this show ample scenarios to chose from.
I sincerely hope it succeeds, but it has been rumoured Malkovich did not discuss a second season with the producers.
I’ve also read where the show was inspired by the book ‘The Republic of Pirates: Being the True and Surprising Story of the Caribbean Pirates and the Man Who Brought Them Down’ by Colin Woodard.

(SPOILERISH- When Fletcher said he wanted to go home, it reminded me of
Samwise Gamgee, and the chosen method to kill Blackbeard was reminiscent of
‘In the Name of the Rose’, then there was the ‘Hellraiser’s Pinheadesque’ scene.)


  1. Author
    Just Justine 6 years ago

    with lyrics, so you can sing along, Oh!
    Such a catchy tune.

  2. Forlath Grey 6 years ago

    Watched it last night, absolutely agree, some excellent dialogue and Malkovich is stellar as expected in his portrayal of Blackbeard.

    But was it just me or did the story flow seem somewhat . . . jerky as it jumped from scene to scene? And when did he say he had received a pardon? I don’t remember that bit . . .

  3. Author
    Just Justine 6 years ago

    Yes, I completely agree with you, the story did seem to jump around a bit. That could put some people off.

    The REAL Blackbeard, Edward Teach/Thatch, was given a pardon but eventually returned to piracy. Mr. Malkovich’s Blackbeard, was thought to be dead and did not mention being pardoned, this is supposedly years later.

  4. Forlath Grey 6 years ago


    Watched episode 2 last night. Thankfully the editing wasn’t nearly as abrupt between scenes this time around, and while I did enjoy it I found myself a bit confused by the plot on more than one occasion e.g. the Commodore makes a big theatrical number about wanting to save his pirate captain ‘friend’, alas to no avail, because the council has made its ruling. But all it takes to save Lowe’s life is for the quartermaster to claim he was with her at the time? Shouldn’t that testimony have taken place at the imaginary trial we never saw, why was Lowe about to be hung anyway? Sure I can suspend my disbelief but it still seemed to come out of left field. And “oh by the way, thanks for waking my husband out of his stupor, we might actually have a chance now of saving our marriage, so thanks and hey, do you want to make out?”

    I’m no expert but maybe the writers should worry more about engaging dialogue, believable characters and a plot that makes sense, and less about crafting an hour long multigasm of melodramatic moments . . . but what do I know . . .

  5. Author
    Just Justine 6 years ago

    (though, mostly just a repetition of Forlath’s spoilers with questions)

    You are not the only one, I have no idea of the plot or where it is going. Making the Royal Navy believe Blackbeard is, indeed, dead by returning the chronometer?
    Commodore Ed (Blackbeard) conspired with Rose the prostitute to have her convince two of Captain Valentine’s men murder him, the Commodore, for some undisclosed reason so the rabble would believe Valentine was behind said murder, accuse and hang him, which is what transpired. To save his, the Commodore’s relations with other pirates, so as not to be hated, he goes to Valentine’s defense only to be (knowingly) over-ruled, and with a smile and wink he is in the clear and Valentine hangs.
    And what Forlath said about Lowe.
    Lastly, was the French guard that Lowe killed and pushed off the cliff and whose corpse Fletcher found while diving for sponges for prostitutes, actually Eisengrim’s lover?
    Also, wasn’t there something about a conspiracy with Spain? I’m lost.
    Well, at least I learned about contraceptives in 1729.

  6. Forlath Grey 6 years ago

    Hahaha on the contraceptives thing but YES, forgot all about the chronometer thing, what the hell was that? Yes, we’ll steal it so you can give it back and this is better than never taking it in the first place how? I thought it was all an elaborate ruse, that it was a fake that wouldn’t really work, that at least would have made some sense but apparently that would be asking too much . . .

  7. Forlath Grey 6 years ago

    I’ve been putting it off like a trip to the dentist, but I finally broke down and watched S1, Ep 3 yesterday evening and nope, it’s not getting any better.


    “I’m a tactical genius and Viceroy of her Majesty’s Caribbean Colonies (or some such), but oh look, Blackbeard is trying to get away in that small boat there, how do I know? Because the poop-deck is empty and that small boat trying to make a surreptitious escape is flying Blackbeard’s personal flag! Quick, break off the battle that we’re winning and follow that small boat with the one person in it! What? It was all a ruse? How did I not see that coming!”

    Between the silly writing and the just plain confusing editing – “you weren’t pregnant yesterday? Must be a miracle, but the baby’s the wrong way around, I’ll have to turn her, I’ve never done this before but I read about it in a book!” Cue actress rolling eyes at poor attempt at humor, start dramatic music and jump to scene where Blackbeard is holding eight month old cooing baby . . . wtf?

    I’m calling it – time of death for this poor attempt at riding the waning pirate popularity wave, three episodes ago. Notify the next of kin . . .

  8. Author
    Just Justine 6 years ago

    I had hopes for this series, that it would get better if given time, but I must agree with Mr. Grey.
    It seems they have no idea where they’re going with it. Everything seems random and with no cohesiveness whatsoever.

    Maybe they need to end it with the entire cast being John Malkovich!

  9. Forlath Grey 6 years ago

    Hahaha, great visual image. If I had an inordinate amount of time on my hands I’d take a screen capture of the scene from Being John Malkovich where everybody in the room is john Malkovich and photoshop little pirate hats onto them all . . .

  10. Author
    Just Justine 6 years ago

    There may be only one…season of ‘Crossbones’ I think. Kind of sad. I enjoyed it even with it’s disjointedness. You can watch the full episodes at ‘Crossbones’ on NBC.
    Here are some personal comments, and highlights from the final episode-

    It needed more Orcs…..

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    …and Hobbits

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    this Orc is wielding a hammer, could it be Mjölnir? Does that transform him into Thor? And, wait, is that Doc Hammer? Is he fighting Doc Hammer?

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    No, but perhaps it’s Doc Hammer’s brother, Coxswain Hammer?

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    Still going for a Viking look?

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    ‘My boo-boo hurts.’

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    ‘My boo-boo still hurts.’
    ‘Stop being such a sissy, so does mine.’

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    Tom Lowe’s ‘Coupling’ was very productive.
    He was happy about it. She wasn’t.

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    The Commodore giving his killer Magnum look.
    (Yeah, I liked Zoolander, wanna make something of it!?! :p)

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    A classic John Malkovich expression.

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    In the end, I thought it was going to be like ‘The Dread Pirate Blackbeard’
    (Yes, and I love ‘The Princess Bride’ too! :p :p)

    And I finish with-
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    ‘God bless us, everyone.’

  11. Author
    Just Justine 6 years ago

    Maybe, if they had made it ‘Crossbones: Commodore Blackbeard, Sky Pirate’ and given him an air-frigate, it would have gone over better.

  12. Forlath Grey 6 years ago

    Face it, John Malkovich or no, this show sucked and deserved the axe . . . yes, I would still watch it again if it returned with them all flying about in airships, what’s your point?

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